It's been a few years since we converted our outdoor shed which is just off the kitchen into my workspace/she-shed. Since then and especially during this time of Covid-19, quarantines, shut downs and protests, it has truly become my private retreat.
My workspace has been a God-send, but I had to set some major boundaries in order to be able to enjoy it the way that I do. As a mom, it's easy to feel like nothing belongs to you - like your entire existence is instantly accessible to your kids at all times.
I wake up, lucky enough to enjoy my lattes every morning back there, watching the sun rise and the birds play around in the garden. It's the place where a lot of my work is done, but it's also the place that I go to find quit moments throughout the day, to gather my thoughts when I'm being pushed to the brink and need to bring it back down. It's the place where I create, where I try things on, where I read my magazines and scroll social media. It's the place where I don't have to talk if I don't want to and most importantly, it's the place that is off limits to everyone!
My workspace has been a God-send, but I had to set some major boundaries in order to be able to enjoy it the way that I do. As a mom, it's easy to feel like nothing belongs to you - like your entire existence is instantly accessible to your kids at all times. So, in the beginning, I felt super-selfish (which wasn't really true) for trying to claim a space in our home just for myself. It was equally as hard getting the kids to understand that there was actually someplace in the house that belonged to me and not to them. They happily have access to everything that is ours, so they couldn't understand why my workspace was different. My husband's been a good sport about it mainly because there's absolutely nothing in my space that's remotely interesting to him and also because he's 6'3" and the space is very compact for a guy as big as he is!
We all know how necessary establishing healthy boundaries are for us as individuals. For me, boundaries are a way to show love, kindness and compassion to myself. The boundaries that I've set specific to my workspace allow me to remain an individual with my own identity independent of my family for short periods at a time and avoid being burnt out especially now with all of the added stress, anxiety and responsibilities that this global pandemic has created . I've always talked to the girls about boundaries and respecting one another's needs, explaining that I have needs to be respected as well.
So, I told them what I needed. I politely explained that I needed them to avoid being in my space when I wasn't there and that I needed privacy when I was - which would include knocking before entering to come in.
I kept things simple. My girls are only 6 & 7, so they didn't need a psychology lesson about why my workspace was off-limits. I needed a space for myself that was quiet, peaceful and (especially) clean, where I could work and go to throughout the day to take a break so that I could come back to them calm and happy.
I also communicated why it was important to me. I explained that I needed space to just be Kenya and that part was important in order for me to be the best Mom that I can be for them.
Honestly, I believe that creating a space that is all yours to escape to, whether you have children or not is essential to your mental well being. If it's your bathroom, if it's your fire-escape, if it's your garden fantastic!
One other step that I usually follow when setting boundaries is setting consequences. However, I'm a pushover and would never enforce them, so what's the point? Besides, my boundary setting has gone pretty well for all of us.
Honestly, I believe that creating a space that is all yours to escape to, whether you have children or not is essential to your mental well being. If it's your bathroom, if it's your fire-escape, if it's your garden fantastic! That space can be physical, like my she-shed is for me, but it can also be professional - logging off at a decent hour or making time for an actual lunch hour while working from home and/or emotional/psycological, which can reduce anger and burnout during such an unprecedented time in our lives. So, I encourage you to find you "space" remembering that it's not selfish at all. In fact it's necessary in times such as these.
If you have a space that's all yours, I'd love to hear about it. Is anyone allowed to share it with you? Leave a comment below or on my IG.
xo,
k
NOTE: I am not a psychologist or a mental health professional. My thoughts and options are my own and in no way are meant to take the place of a professional mental diagnosis.
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